Everyone Talks About How To Be Successful Through Hard Work And Effort. Forget That! Im Going To Take A Different Approach. Im Going To Show You How To Lose All Your Hard Earned Money And Fake Your Own Death (I Mean Destiny), And Be Successful At It.Step 1: Be A Sissy-Being A Sissy Has Nothing To Do With Physical Strength And Everything To Do With Mental Strength. I Know You Want To Be Successful But Youre Too Afraid To Make A Commitment To Your Dream. Youre Scared To Take Chances. Youre Scared To Make Choices. You Want Everything To Be Perfect Before You Can Take A Risk. Yeah, Right! That Day Will Come When Hell And My Mothers Famous Spicy Hot Sancocho Soup Freezes (authors Note: My Money Is On Hell Freezing Over First). Nonetheless, Dont Do Anything Until One Of The Following Has Occurred: All The Stars In The Constellation Have Aligned Themselves Perfectly, Youve Spotted A Once Extinct Dodo Bird, Or Someone Absolutely Guarantees You That You Will Not Fail. Until One Of These Things Are In Place, Dont Do Anythingbe A Sissy.Step 2: Listen To Stupid People-Oh, This Is One Of My Favorite. There Are Two Types Of People Out There: Successful And Happy. By Successful, I Mean Someone Who Has A Career And Is Financially Secure. By Happy I Mean Someone Who Has Found Their Happy Place And Enjoys Where Theyre At In Life. The Latter Has Less Do With Money, And More Do To With Life Style. Knowing This, Heres The Key: Never, I Mean NEVER Listen To Successful Or Happy People. Theyll Just Make You Nauseous With Their Ideas And Strategies For Getting What You Want Out Of Life. Instead, Listen To Friends And Family Members Who Are Either Broke Or Unhappy. That Way If You Fail, And Chances Are That You Will, Youll At A Minimum Have Them For Company. And We Know That Misery Loves Company. Also If You Fail Using Their Advice, You Can Always Blame It On Them (See Rule 9 For More Details).Step 3: Wait For Divine Intervention-Yes, Another Strategy On How To Lose Your Money And Fake Destiny Is To Simply Wait For The Invisible Hand Of Fate To Pass Over You And Bless You With Immense Abundance. Yes, Go Ahead Pray And Ask God (whoever And Whatever That Is To You) To Rain Down Upon You All That You Deserve. Sit Back, Do Nothing And Wait For Something To Great To Happen. Yes, Your Needs Far Outweigh Those Of People In Other Countries Who Are Dying From HIV, Hunger, Violence, Etc. Dont Feel Guilty. Make Your Demand On God And If Youre So Inclined, You Might Want To Give Him A Deadline Because Youre In A Hurry. But Remember, Dont Lift A Finger To Help Yourself, You Might Offend Him By Being So Impatient.Step 4: Develop A Need To Mimic-Desmond Morris Wrote A Fantastic Book Called The Human Ape. If You Havent Read It, You Are Depriving Yourself Of A Primitive Experience And Pleasure. Morris Talks About The Need For Humans To Mimic In Order To Feel Accepted Or More Worthy. So, What I Want You To Do In Order For You To Lose Your Money And Fake Your Destiny Is Look Around You And Buy Whatever Your Friends Or Colleagues Are Buying. But The Extravagant Cars, The Luxurious Museum (I Mean House), Take All The Trips You Want To Exotic Places. What About Money? Who Cares! The Point Here Is That You Want To Mimic Or Copy What Every One Else Is Doing. Money And Debt Are Nuisances You Shouldnt Have To Worry About. What About Credit Card Companies? So What You Owe Them Money, Theyre Crooks Who Already Have Too Much Money; They Dont Need Yours.Step 5: Take Advantage Of People-Heres A Great Tip. Forget About Being Considerate And To Hell With The Golden Rule. If You Can Use Somebody, Do It. I You Can Take Advantage Of A Situation, Do It. Consequences?! Bah! Why Bother With Such Silly Notions; Theyre So Inconvenient. For All You Care, Youll Probably Never Have To Deal With Them Again. And If Its In A Work Environment, All The Better, Screw Them Any Way You Can. They Probably Deserve It For Being So Dang Nave. The Basic Premise Is This, The Next Time You In A Position To Really Abuse Another Fellow Human Being, Dont Think Twice, Just Do It!Step 6: Invent Your Own Reality-Ooh, I Like This One. To Hell With Reality, Create Your Own. When Someone Says, Youre Not Being Realistic, Ignore Them Theyre An Idiot. When Someone Tries To Warn You That Your Overspending And Your Debts Are Mounting, Just Go Out And Shop Some Moreyoull Feel Better. Remember Also That Money Is The Root Of All Evil And No One Should Have To Really Save Or Keep Any Around For A Rainy Day. And, Even When Everyone Is Telling You Youre Wrong, Ignore Them Because They ALL Cant Be Right! And More Than Likely, They Simply Dont Have The Same Bright, Pink Outlook On Life You Have. Dismiss Those Fools.Step 7: Never Keep A Commitment Again-The Next Time You Make A Promise, Just Remember That It Really Isnt A Commitment. A Promise Is An Agreement To Do Something But You Reserve The Right To Change Your Mind Without Notifying The Other Party (aka The When Its Convenient Rule). And Yes, Its OK To Over-promise And Under-deliver. The Convenient Rule Still Applies. When You Tell Someone Youd Show Up To A Meeting Or An Engagement, Remember That Its OK To Change Your Mind, Again, Without The Need To Notify The Other Party. Commitments Are So Restrictive That You Should Allow Yourself The Flexibility To Abide By Or Ignore Them Whenever You Feel Like It. What If Others Complain? Theyre Just Being Insensitive To Your Spontaneity And Free Spirit.envious Bastards.Step 8: Blame It On The ISM-The Next Time Things Dont Go Your Way Or You Missed Out On Some Promotion Or Raise, Blame It On An ISM. There Are Plenty To Choose From. RacISM, SexISM, AgeISM, Etc. Remember Its Never Your Responsibility To Be Create Wealth And Opportunity. Someone Should Always Look Our For Your Because Youve Been Handicapped (i.e., With An ISM) By The Unfairness Of Society. Someone Should Also Make Amends And Remunerations For Your Inconvenience Should Be Made To You. Dont Forge To Always Complain About How The Man Wont Let You Succeed. And Always Blame Your Failing On Some Corporate Guy With A Nice Suite And Tie. Theyre Always Guilty Of Something. Theyre All Liars And Cheats Waiting To Be Exposed.Bonus Rule:Step 9: Its Never Your Problem-No Matter How Bad You Perform Or Dont Perform At All, It Isnt Your Fault (Corollary To Rule 8). Its Never Your Problem. Its Always Someone Elses Deal. And If You Cant Find A Warm Body To Blame It On, Use Someone Whos Dead. Dead People Are Useful For Blaming Things On Because They Cant Dismiss The Accusation And You Feel Better Since It Isnt Your Fault. If You Cant Find Any Dead People To Blame It On, Use The Ultimate Trump Card, The Universe (or Cosmos). Either One Is Good Enough When It Come To Blame. Just Blame Your Misfortune On Some Weird Existential Vibe Thing That Cant Be Defined. And If Someone Doesnt Believe You Theyre Just Being Insensitive And Ignorant Of An Existence On A Much Higher Level Where You Cant Be Held Responsible.Follow These Nine Rules And I Guarantee You That You Will Lose Your Money And Fake Your Destiny With GREAT SUCCESS.
